Not a good day

My grandma died 6 months ago. I feel like a fucking ungrateful brat for not crying my eyes off about it, I love her so much. I can’t figure out if Ma knows what the day is, or has figured out there’s something wrong, or she’s just being very talkative today, but… It helps.

I still don’t know how to tell her: my grandma died 6 months ago today (now tomorrow, here in Japan, but she died in Bulgaria so it’s still today) and I really need someone around me to know and acknowledge that.

And I can’t make myself say it. It’s fucking stupid. It’s not just about her knowing I’m feeling bad about it. I just want someone to know.