siliqu

It’s natural to drift apart from your friends, isn’t it? I mean, people change. In fact, every cell in our bodies gets renewed regularly, and what that means is that you are literally a different person every 7 years. A different human being, not one cell of your original organism remaining.

And our interests vary, too. They change because we change, and suddenly you look at a person you had so much in common a few years back, and you think: why are we still friends? Your interests have drifted in one direction, theirs in another, and there’s nothing keeping you together anymore. Or, is there?

And what happens to those who are left behind? Those who stay put, who somehow don’t know how to go on with their life and don’t grow up, don’t change, don’t move? Is it our duty to pull them along, or is it our right to leave them behind?

I have a friend that I love dearly, I really do. But she’s gentle and easily hurt and things like the fact I can’t think up something to talk to her about hurt her. We’ve been friends for about 5 years now, maybe more, but I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the last 3 years and she’s…

I think she’s stuck, and I don’t think she even realizes it. She’s studying what she wants in university, but after the difficulties she went through to get there, it’s disappointed her. A lot of the people she held dear to her heart have left her, mainly going abroad, and while I’m one of those people, I’ve tried to keep in touch.

But the thing is, she has abandonment issues and they’ve made her clingy. She gets hurt over me not answering her for a day; she gets hurt when I go out instead of talking to her over skype. We’ve had big fights over that and I don’t know how to tell her that she’s smothering me. Because I love her, I really do, but something it’s just… too much…

One of the biggest problems is that once she told me she’s been abandoned so many times she doesn’t know if she can trust someone not to. She told me she doesn’t trust me not to. It’s… probably the most hurtful thing she’s ever told me.

And I’ve tried, I keep trying, really. I talk to her more often than I do to any of my other friends from back home; I try to help her when she needs it, but…

But it’s exhausting and it’s turned into a responsibility – into something I feel I have to do, rather than something I want to – and that’s not what friends are supposed to be.

But if I just told her that and let our friendship fade away, I feel like I’d be doing just what I told myself I wouldn’t. I’d be proving her right in not trusting me, and most probably never trusting anyone ever.

I don’t want to be this person. I never want to be this person….